“Time grabs you by the wrist directs you where to go…make the best of this dance and don’t ask why. It’s not a question but a lesson learned in time. It’s something unpredictable, but in the end it’s right.”
I often have people tell me that I’m always so happy. It’s true, I am. And I think if I could bottle my happiness and give it to others, the main ingredient in my potion would be 100% pure trust of divine time. I have let go completely of any and all need to control the outcome and timing of things. I’ve learned to understand that when I come to a roadblock in anything it is a clear indicator that it’s not for me right now.
I don’t get frustrated when things don’t go as I planned because I know that my plans are just that. While some people might disagree and say that loss of control is completely unnerving, I can assure you that surrendering to divine time is joyful.
Everyone I loved had died by the time I was 12. The world was a desolate place and it seemed as though everyone had gone off to have a good time in the afterlife while I remained in the disgusting waiting room called life. I was expected to continue planning out a future I had no vested interest in. The future? Fuck the future. I was looking forward to barely making it through until the glorious day when I too could join the party and finally die. I wanted to be free of the polluted air I inhaled in the miserable cold streets of New Jersey. I wanted to stop listening to the car horns constantly beeping. I wanted to become deaf to the pipe-fitters, plumbers and construction workers who constantly screamed with productivity at 4:00 a.m. outside of my small window. “You want a coffee, Johnny?!”Digger. Hammer. Digger.
The super at my building…man did I want to die and never hear him hammering upstairs again. What was he building up there anyway? A stairway to hell I hoped.