Deprive Yourself of Nothing – A Birthday Message to Myself

Don’t You Worry Child – Swedish House Mafia

“Don’t you worry, don’t you worry child. See heaven’s got a plan for you.”

It has been a whirlwind month! We kicked the month off with a big vacation to Puerto Rico, which was amazing! That vacation was followed by a road-trip to Boston, potty training our two-year old (a great big adventure when you’re on a road-trip) and my big 35th birthday.

In Puerto Rico, we kayaked the ocean at night – in the pitch dark – to see the bio-luminescent waters of Fajardo. In Boston, we watched the sunset in the park and forgot about the world. For my 35th birthday, we did a tree-top obstacle course 35-feet in the air with a group of my closest friends. It is a month I will never forget and one in which I had a ton of time to reflect what life has been like the last ten years and what I wish for myself in the next ten years.

I found myself wondering who I would have been if I had not given myself the opportunity to get a little lost along the way in my 20s? Who would I be if I hadn’t partied the way I partied? Who would I have been if I hadn’t given myself the chance to see the world on my own as a single gal? Who would I have been if I had played it safe? Who would I have been if I had always lived in the same place? Who would I have been if I had never walked the streets of New York City at night without a care in the world? Who would I have been if I hadn’t allowed myself to learn to love my own company so much?

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The New Age Dad

Babyfather – Sade

“For you he’s the best he can be. Oh child don’t you know…your daddy’s love comes with a life time guarantee.”

I remember seeing him walk down Broadway (the main street of the city we live in). It was one of those gorgeous spring days and we were so happy to finally be out of the house. We were just getting over the first tough months as new parents and through one of those hellish winters with a snow storm every week. He was wearing his favorite light green hoodie, his all black Dallas Cowboys hat with black Nike jogging pants and his black Nike sneakers. From behind,  he screamed eligible bachelor with broad shoulders and a nice physique. Then he turned around and there he was: wearing his baby in a baby sling. Read More

Love As Counteridiotism

I Believe – Blessid Union of Souls

“Cause I believe that love is the answer. I believe that love will find the way.”

I woke up today to the devastating news that Pulse, a gay dance club in Orlando, FL, had been the scene of a horrible act of terrorism the night before. A coward, whose name I now know but would never give one speck of publicity to, went into the club and started shooting at innocent people. Fifty people were killed and many others injured in what is now the largest gun-related act of terrorism in the USA. My heart ached. It ached for all of those people who were just there to have a good time. It ached because they weren’t doing anyone any harm. It ached because I know that hundreds of people were woken up at night only to be told that their brothers or sisters, sons or daughters, aunts or uncles, cousins, grandchildren, friends and maybe even partners would never make it back home. I looked at my son, still sleepy-eyed in his robot pajamas next to me with the sunlight of the morning just creeping into the room, and I struggled to hold back the tears thinking of all the parents who woke up to those calls.

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La Voz of My Childhood

Ausencia – Hector Lavoe

“Se ha terminado otro capitulo en mi vida. La mujer que amaba hoy se me fue. Esperando…noche y dia…y no se decide a volver.”

I hear his boots as he makes his way up the stairs. I don’t need to see them to know that they are black, that they smell of sultry leather and that they make a squeaky noise as they bend at the ankle. I don’t need to see him to know that he’s tired and that he has a mix of tobacco and whiskey rising from his pores. Still, I’m so excited to know that he’s home that I rush down the ladder of mine and my brother’s bunk bed to see him. My big brother whispers “nerd” as I rush to give my Dad a great big hug.

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For the Love of June…and You.

Every Rose Has Its Thorn – Poison

“Every rose has its thorn, just like every night has its dawn.”

June is the only month of the year that is truly bittersweet for me. On the one hand, summer finally arrives in the northeast, the days get sunnier, my only nephew turns a year older, my family usually takes a big trip somewhere, and it is the month when I get to celebrate my birthday. On the other hand, it is the month when I’m most reminded that we cannot take life for granted.

Even though June is the month when I celebrate another year of life, it is also the month in which I used to share a birthday with my closest cousin Andres and my dearest Aunt Jackie. Unfortunately, they have each passed away and therein lies the reason why this month makes me feel like Jessie Spano on that episode when Zach finds out she’s addicted to caffeine pills.

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Wasn’t that the greatest five minutes of pre-teen television history?

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