Dear Parents, Stop Changing!

Just The Way You Are – Billy Joel

“Don’t go trying some new fashion. I like you just the way you are.”

I don’t know what it is about becoming a parent that makes people think they have to become lame. I’ve seen adventurous people stop doing adventurous things with the excuse that they are now parents. I’ve seen people who love to work decide to give up working altogether because they are now parents. I’ve seen people who love to travel stop traveling because now they are parents and refuse to travel with kids. I’ve seen people stop taking care of themselves because becoming a parent meant it was OK to look like their life has fallen apart. I’ve seen people who love to have a drink (or ten) give up taking back a few because now they’re parents. To you parents, I say stop this!

Becoming a parent doesn’t make you only a parent. You’re still a person with your own interests, your own likes, your own preferred brand of gin. OK, it’s Bombay Sapphire if you really need to know.

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The Practice of Energy Discrimination

Situation – Yazoo

“Don’t make a sound, just move out.”

Of all the things we need to hold dear and protect, I believe that the most important one is our energy. I learned this lesson about protecting my energy around my 20s and I consider that to be late! I wish I would have understood much sooner how to recognize the people and the situations that can drag a person down. Furthermore, I wish I would have known sooner that distancing myself from the people or situations that drain my energy doesn’t make me a bad person. I’m here to tell you that it doesn’t make you a bad person either and that perhaps a little energy discrimination can go a long way.

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Parenting: the art of letting go

Bingo Players – Cry (Just a Little)

“I cry just a little when I think of letting go.”

The moment I announced to people that I was pregnant for the first time, the advice began to pour in:

“Sleep now because you will never sleep again!”

“Kids are so expensive; start saving!”

“Enjoy your relationship with your partner because it will never be the same.”

Did I mention, “sleep now because you will never sleep again”?

downey_eyeroll

All of this advice was heard – some recorded and some ignored. When the time came, I was prepared for a life of little sleep, for explosive diaper changes, for labor, for nursing, for budgeting, for cleaning and for laundry, but nobody ever mentioned the most important thing. New parents and parents-to-be, I will tell you the most important thing because I’m in the business of giving people real advice and not fluff:

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I slayed the dragon named miscarriage

Come As You Are – Nirvana

“Come as you are, as you were, as I want you to be.”

I have always been a dreamer. Sometimes that has worked in my favor (creativity) and sometimes it has worked against me (time-consuming). As a girl, I dreamt of being a big-shot corporate businesswoman and of finding my soul mate, in that order. Never in my wildest dreams – nightmares is a more appropriate word – did I think I would have a miscarriage. Then, I had one a month ago at 11 weeks pregnant with my second child. I have to say it was dreadful. The moment my better half and I saw the sonogram and saw nothing there we knew. And never did the word empty feel so full.

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Step 1: Admit you have a problem

 

No Role Modelz – J. Cole

“Don’t save her, she don’t want to be saved, don’t save her.”

Any time Kim Kardashian shows us a new peek of her nips or a full-blown, nude, champagne-filled display, the world loses their shit. Just this week, everyone and their madre came out against Kim for posting a photo in which only her nipples and va jay jay were covered. She wrote a cute caption to accompany the picture:

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I’m taking the blog leap!

Kashmir – Led Zeppelin

I’m a traveler of both time and space to be where I have been.”

This is my inaugural post, the big beginning. I should clarify that I have been writing my thoughts for years. I started writing in my Precious Moments diary when I was 11 – that mystical number which I tend to see quite clearly when big changes are about to happen in my life – and I never stopped. This however, is the first time I’m letting anyone in on the deep, dark, amazing and enlightening thoughts that up until now have been only between writer and paper. It isn’t easy to open yourself up to the world. I’m dreading every letter I’m writing right now and I cringe at the thought that even one person might read this. But fear, my best friend and equally mortal enemy, has been knocking on the door of my soul for some time. I’ve decided that today I will answer and welcome him in.

I have traveled many miles in my 34 years of life. Many of those miles have been real, but thousands more have been spiritual. I suspect that this first post and where this blog will go is only the beginning of an even greater distance I will have to cover. Therefore, it is appropriate that the title and subject of my first post is to the tune of Led Zeppelin’s Kashmir. I have indeed traveled through both time and space to be where I am today. It has taken years of writing about my brushes with illness, poverty, controversy, jails and death to finally admit that I have an interesting way of inserting humor into almost every situation. Most of what I write will be about my personal life, some of it will be about current events and most of it will probably be somewhat inappropriate.

This blog is about combining my great loves: writing, music, spirituality, humor and life. I appreciate you for following me on my journey!