It’s been a while since I’ve written because so much has been happening. The holidays and January were absolute madness around my house with family visiting, reports and plans that needed to be completed at work, and with our son being on break from pre-school. I also needed some time to wrap my head around the fact that we’re going to become a family of four!
“Words are very unnecessary. They can only do harm.”
I come from a family of people who love to be alone. I’m probably the most social of all my family members and still require daily doses of alone time and complete silence. My mother has an entire corner of her room dedicated to reading and solitude. My brother will burn you with one single look if he is alone in his room quietly playing chess and you disturb him. My aunt left every social gathering by 8 p.m. so that she could go home and sit quietly before going to sleep. My dad has always loved throwing his shoes on and walking alone for long periods of time.
Strangely, I thought a deep need for alone time was necessary for most people until I realized that is not the case. Most people, like my partner, rarely have such a strong need to be alone. It wasn’t until we started living together that I realized how much of a loner I really am. In light of that realization, I’ve had to clarify a couple of things to my better half and closest friends about my need for solitude. Here are the three things I believe a person who likes to be alone wants you to know.
There I was scrolling through another headline about Trump on CNN.com this morning when I saw something that immediately brightened my day.
“Bob Dylan Awarded Nobel Prize in Literature for having created new poetic expressions within the great American song tradition.”
Indeed, Bob Dylan is one of the greatest to do it. It just takes one listen of the song Like a Rolling Stone to see Dylan’s ability to write something that is more than a song. Dylan writes stories the likes of which take you places. The pictures he paints are vivid, the characters in his songs are properly built and the story lines take you through the ups and downs of life. They say the greatest songs are the ones with simple lyrics and that is true for the most part because it is a lot easier to sing, understand and sell to the masses something like “cause you’re hot and you’re cold, you’re yes and you’re no” than “you say you never compromise with the mystery tramp, but now you realize he’s not selling any alibis.”
The former are perfectly acceptable lyrics, the latter is poetry.
With that said, let me tell you a little bit about my favorite artist of all time, Jimi Hendrix, and an interesting musical correlation with Dylan. Read More
“Time grabs you by the wrist directs you where to go…make the best of this dance and don’t ask why. It’s not a question but a lesson learned in time. It’s something unpredictable, but in the end it’s right.”
I often have people tell me that I’m always so happy. It’s true, I am. And I think if I could bottle my happiness and give it to others, the main ingredient in my potion would be 100% pure trust of divine time. I have let go completely of any and all need to control the outcome and timing of things. I’ve learned to understand that when I come to a roadblock in anything it is a clear indicator that it’s not for me right now.
I don’t get frustrated when things don’t go as I planned because I know that my plans are just that. While some people might disagree and say that loss of control is completely unnerving, I can assure you that surrendering to divine time is joyful.
Everyone I loved had died by the time I was 12. The world was a desolate place and it seemed as though everyone had gone off to have a good time in the afterlife while I remained in the disgusting waiting room called life. I was expected to continue planning out a future I had no vested interest in. The future? Fuck the future. I was looking forward to barely making it through until the glorious day when I too could join the party and finally die. I wanted to be free of the polluted air I inhaled in the miserable cold streets of New Jersey. I wanted to stop listening to the car horns constantly beeping. I wanted to become deaf to the pipe-fitters, plumbers and construction workers who constantly screamed with productivity at 4:00 a.m. outside of my small window. “You want a coffee, Johnny?!”Digger. Hammer. Digger.
The super at my building…man did I want to die and never hear him hammering upstairs again. What was he building up there anyway? A stairway to hell I hoped.
“But you, why you want to give me a run-around? Is it a sure-fire way to speed things up, when all it does is slow me down.”
I just binge watched the show Stranger Things on Netflix and I have to say it is the best show I’ve watched in a very long time. I’m a lover of all things supernatural and when you mix that with anything ’80s you can bet I’m going to be all in. I won’t give too much away in case anyone is interested in seeing it – and you should be – but I will say that the casting, characters and story line were superb. However, the thing I loved the most about the show was all of the stuff about energy and how much emphasis the series puts on all things feelings. As a culture, we’ve become more prone to act based only on logic; we want facts and nothing more. So when Winona Ryder’s character, Joyce, lets go of logic and tunes into the energy around her, I thought this is my type of show.
A fictional story based on a reality I’ve seen happen to others too often.
She had loved hard. Like any woman who loves hard the blow of every development relating to his new life was soul crushing. More than his new life, it was their old life that she found herself thinking of constantly. She was always brought back to the innocent young lovers they had been. It was her that had thought about their plans and it was her that had dreamed about the type of life they’d build. She had known back then that they wouldn’t always be in a tough financial situation. She’d known they’d make it one day and she looked forward to the time when she could look back upon their younger years and remember that they didn’t have much but they had love. Every time she heard that song play on the radio, she thought of them living in their rundown, one-bedroom apartment having cold beer and chips. Back then, the world seemed to be filled with tomorrows and those nights it was just them, just love and just that song:
Ohhhh, we’re halfway there, ohhhh livin’ on a prayer, take my hand and we’ll make it I swear. Ohhhh, livin’ on a prayer!
“There’s battle lines being drawn. Nobody is right if everybody is wrong.”
We are killing each other a lot more – by the masses, because of race and sexual preference, on the street, at schools and clubs. Sure, each case can be broken down and we can often see what went wrong, but we’d be small-minded to think that changing the effect will change the cause. I’ve tried to find the root of the problem so that I myself can understand; so that I can become part of the solution. What I’ve found is that if we peel the layers back – opinions aside – we can all agree on this:
“Don’t you worry, don’t you worry child. See heaven’s got a plan for you.”
It has been a whirlwind month! We kicked the month off with a big vacation to Puerto Rico, which was amazing! That vacation was followed by a road-trip to Boston, potty training our two-year old (a great big adventure when you’re on a road-trip) and my big 35th birthday.
In Puerto Rico, we kayaked the ocean at night – in the pitch dark – to see the bio-luminescent waters of Fajardo. In Boston, we watched the sunset in the park and forgot about the world. For my 35th birthday, we did a tree-top obstacle course 35-feet in the air with a group of my closest friends. It is a month I will never forget and one in which I had a ton of time to reflect what life has been like the last ten years and what I wish for myself in the next ten years.
I found myself wondering who I would have been if I had not given myself the opportunity to get a little lost along the way in my 20s? Who would I be if I hadn’t partied the way I partied? Who would I have been if I hadn’t given myself the chance to see the world on my own as a single gal? Who would I have been if I had played it safe? Who would I have been if I had always lived in the same place? Who would I have been if I had never walked the streets of New York City at night without a care in the world? Who would I have been if I hadn’t allowed myself to learn to love my own company so much?